Deconstruction

Until I was able to deconstruct my faith and get down to the trace of what it means to be love God and love others I was a bored, burnt out Christian who almost threw it all off the bridge and jumped in with it. Many times in deconstruction critics will take an authors work and completely tear it down to show how it accomplishes a purpose opposite of what the author intended. Many times I thought that Christianity was in fact the opposite of what a life of love and truth looked like. I believe Christianity is often the opposite of what God intended the church to be. The problem with religion is that instead of it bringing us to God it usually impedes our progress to have a genuine relationship with him. I believe in God and I believe in Jesus, but a lot of times where those two meet the world is a lot more confusing and grey than people like to admit or even think about it.
Deconstruction is scary work. It will shake the very core of you. But if you make it through the other side you will be stronger than ever before. Deconstructing your faith is a lot of work and freakin messy but I hope that I eventually wind up with a better picture of who God is and what that means in my life. I may never know fully who God is and where exactly He meets this world, but it doesn’t mean I can’t try. It doesn’t mean I can’t spend my life in pursuit of what it means to love God and love others. It is the pursuit, the relationship, that is important.
Deconstruction allows you to look at scripture and celebrate the paradoxes. Rejoice in the chaos of faith. Because I don’t think it is about finding a certain manual to follow. The point is God. I wonder if he doesn’t care more about us pursuing him than about our taking bible classes and theological belief system. I wonder if we miss the point when she offers us relationship and we step past her for book knowledge. Christianity helps me to make more sense of life; it helps me to make more sense of who God is. But making sense is not necessarily the point. Half of the Christian faith makes no sense to me at all. It is completely illogical and irrational. That’s okay though because the point is God, the point is others. Sure it’s nice to have clarity and an organized mind. Sure it’s nice to have some stable ground to walk on. Something solid to believe in, trust in. However, being a Christian is not about living a perfect, nice, little life. I thought it was for a long time. I was confused when life did not turn out perfect. When I did not get the job or the girlfriend, when I had more confusion than belief. I think the point though is not our stability or our perfect life. Whenever my life turns to crap is when I really start praying to God. If my days are getting longer, wetter, and darker, then is when I turn to God. Until this point I am fine as a person, but my relationship with God is not fine. I am closer in my struggles than in my security. I think God cares more about us as people than he does about our individual happiness and security. He cares more about our relationship than our prosperity. So when the shit hits the fan, it is not God’s fault and I believe he really does will the best possible life for us, but he also will use these opportunities to remind us that this life is not about life, it is about Him, it is about others.
Christianity is like donuts. You can spend all day coming up with theories and doctrine surrounding why donuts are the way they are, what they are made of and so forth. There comes a certain point however, when you should just stop and enjoy the donut. You may not have it all figured out, but that’s all right because donuts are for eating, not for textbooks. I don’t even understand the whole theory of deconstruction. I don’t even understand Christianity. But that’s all right because a relationship with God is worth experiencing, not studying. It cannot be structuralized or formalized. It is about living, not examining. This is also why it is hard to articulate to someone what the Christian life is like. It is not just some head knowledge or system of beliefs. It is a relationship, a marriage, an experience that is hard to understand unless you are in it. It is not a religion. It is community, a journey, a story. So how do you sell people an item that can’t fit into a store, won’t fit into a package or stay in a box? People will not accept Jesus like He is a product. You can market it that way, but it doesn’t work. It’s like going to pick up girls.
“Dude were gonna go get some chicks tonight bro! Chicks man! Let’s go pick em up!
“Really? Just like that. We’ll just go to Walgreens and pick up chicks? Go to aisle 5 with the chicks?
It’s not that simple. Following Jesus is hard to articulate.