The other day I was having coffee with this girl. I met this girl through a friend of a friend. She was visiting in Colorado for a wedding and so my mutual friend called me to see if I could join them for some coffee. We met at Paris on the Platte and talked for a few hours before she had to go back to Portland. She talked about Portland and I talked about living in Denver. She then proceeded to ask me about my church and the house that I was a part of.
Before this question we had mostly made a lot of small talk, but here was the part where I began to get down to the nitty gritty, the real parts of my life. I described our church-our hopes, dreams and goals, what we had been doing, what we were planning to do. I told her about Habitat for Humanity. I spoke about our bigger, better best contest for Africa and our vision for the city. I told her about our community,living with 19 people- kids, families, married couples, everyone. I told her about how we shared resources, everything from food to automobiles. In the course of our talk I had an epiphany. Not an actual epiphany, but while I was talking, a part of my ear lobe began to hear the words that were coming out of my mouth, and my brain became really confused. It was then that I had a realization, an epiphany. But wait, I am still using the wrong word, I believe the correct word would be something along the lines of a distraught, bewildering realization. Whatever that word is I'm not sure, and I dont feel like looking in the dictionary for two hours so thats the best description I can come up with.
So anyways, as these grand, eloquent words were describing my so called epic, adventurous life, I became distraught. Distraught because I realized that I did not feel anything I was saying. I did not feel, I did not see, what my life was. I mean I was living it, and everything I said was true, but my physical, present life did not seem to match the spoken words. If I could somehow sit down with myself and tell me, to tell me about my life, I would be amazed at the content. But because I am in the middle of living it, nothing seems so epic, so adventurous, or glorious as it does when I tell others. If I was to read a book about everything our church and our house was doing, I would be amazed. But now that I am actually living in the story, it doesn't seem so great at all. It feels very monotonous, plagued with doubts, frustrations and daily events that are far from anything worth writing home about.
Because I am a very idealistic person, I become very depressed when life is not idealistic, when it is realistic and kinda shitty. I am not great living in the plains. I can handle the mountains, I can handle the valleys, but the plains just suck. there is nothing interesting and everything seems so dull. I mean there is the Buffalo, but most of them were wiped out thanks to my greatwhite ancestors from Europe who came to this land to convert and conquer. I do not do good with daily grinds, hourly responsibilities and tasks. They are just so boring; but necessary at the same time, which makes it even more unbearable, like watching Nsync at the Super Bowl; two activities I don't like watching separately, let alone together. Daily life resembles nothing from the movie 300. It doesn't resemble any movie, because to have a movie, you at least need some kinda plot and my life feels like there is no plot at all. As of right now, I am not winning the race, beating the villain, or getting the girl. I am doing yard work and washing dishes. I am waking up with less sleep than insomniacs and hoping that one day this will all be worth it.
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Monday, May 26, 2008
Pretense: Ivory
I am tired of hipsters. I am tired of people who talk under the pretense of knowledge about art, literature and music with elitist attitudes of arrogance. Yesterday I was hanging out with some of these people. One of them was in a band, the others were students at UCD. I met them through a friend of a friend. They were very snobby. The dude who was in a band wouldn't even look at me when I asked him a question. I guess he was too busy adjusting his black, square framed glasses, and brushing the hair out of his eyes. I watched as they talked of things that I am interested in, but in a way that made me never want to talk about them again. Perhaps if I was in a band, or if I was a great writer or artist, they would talk to me. But I am not any of these, so I guess am not really worth speaking to as a person. Perhaps if I raised my nose up a little more, and closed my eyes when I talked, I would be more accepted. Perhaps if I spent more money on "original" clothing and elegantly disheveled my hair while reading the latest from some current, New York, trendy fashion magazine, then I would have something to say.
I think it is funny how a particular subculture will rebel against a mainstream one, but then create the same sort of hierarchy that exists in the mainstream. There are still "cool" people and "uncool" people. There are still those who exert power, control, and influence over the followers of their "unique" beliefs. Whose intellectual paradigms ultimataely lead to the inevitable conclusion of bullshit no matter how "postmodern" and "right" they are. I am tired of people thinking that because they have a particular knowledge or philosophy of life that somehow this makes them better than the rest of the common people who are too stupid and ignorant to know anything or have taste in anything remotely of value.
These groups of people are all the same and though they may shop at different stores in the mall (one group goes to Pacsun, the other to Hot Topic and the other to Hollister) they all ascribe to the same conformist, high school, system of popularity and fashion. But the real irony lies when someone claims that they are "open minded." Usually these people look down on those who are "close minded" and critique them for having a certain set of beliefs. It is the most amusing thing to me to listen to someone talk about the "close mindedness" of others and how these people just don't see things the "right" way and are very uneducated about religion or culture or whatever it is they know that you don't.
Being a Christian, it is also amusing to me to talk to these people about my beliefs. "Oh, your a Christian" they will say. As if my being so deems me ignorant and uneducated and a southern, right-wing conspirator bigot. I am not these things, as I try to tell people, but they always seem to have the attitude that "Whatever is right for you is fine. Unless your a Christian, then your just wrong." There is very little room for different people or different beliefs in this relativistic type of thinking. I don't think it's wrong, it's just funny.
"When someone says to me "Hey man you shouldn't enforce your beliefs on others," I agree. I say, "Yeah I completely agree." What makes sense to me, may not necessarily make sense to others. I think its just plain idiotic to go around malls preaching at people, trying to convert them to your religion. But at the same time I want to ask the same people who tell me not to preach to others, "Why are you preaching at me?" Why are you enforcing your tolerance on me? Why are you stereotyping me based on the televangelist? Why are you judging me for being a Christian when you are very adamant against not judging people?
I believe in tolerance. I believe in being open minded. I love to talk about art, music, literature, and poetry. I just think its ironic when the so called "open" people are really just as judgmental and close minded as the rest. I think it is ironic when subcultures and originality is really just another facade of mainstream hierarchies and commercialism. So if your going to be an open person, which I try to be, if your going to learn about cultural facets, which I try to, just do it all the way, and try not to be a hypocritical asshole.
I have to laugh just because if someone really believed in extreme tolerance they could not even write a blog about it because they would be telling others what to believe. I am a hypocrite just by telling people not to be pretentious assholes. But we are all hypocrites to some degree so what can you do. I talk about not wanting to put chemicals in my body from Macdonald's, but then I go and smoke a cigarette. So ultimately, it is just a personal preference thing- I am tired of snobby, pretentious people who live in clouds of ivory towers and refuse to walk the earth with the rest of struggling humanity.
I think it is funny how a particular subculture will rebel against a mainstream one, but then create the same sort of hierarchy that exists in the mainstream. There are still "cool" people and "uncool" people. There are still those who exert power, control, and influence over the followers of their "unique" beliefs. Whose intellectual paradigms ultimataely lead to the inevitable conclusion of bullshit no matter how "postmodern" and "right" they are. I am tired of people thinking that because they have a particular knowledge or philosophy of life that somehow this makes them better than the rest of the common people who are too stupid and ignorant to know anything or have taste in anything remotely of value.
These groups of people are all the same and though they may shop at different stores in the mall (one group goes to Pacsun, the other to Hot Topic and the other to Hollister) they all ascribe to the same conformist, high school, system of popularity and fashion. But the real irony lies when someone claims that they are "open minded." Usually these people look down on those who are "close minded" and critique them for having a certain set of beliefs. It is the most amusing thing to me to listen to someone talk about the "close mindedness" of others and how these people just don't see things the "right" way and are very uneducated about religion or culture or whatever it is they know that you don't.
Being a Christian, it is also amusing to me to talk to these people about my beliefs. "Oh, your a Christian" they will say. As if my being so deems me ignorant and uneducated and a southern, right-wing conspirator bigot. I am not these things, as I try to tell people, but they always seem to have the attitude that "Whatever is right for you is fine. Unless your a Christian, then your just wrong." There is very little room for different people or different beliefs in this relativistic type of thinking. I don't think it's wrong, it's just funny.
"When someone says to me "Hey man you shouldn't enforce your beliefs on others," I agree. I say, "Yeah I completely agree." What makes sense to me, may not necessarily make sense to others. I think its just plain idiotic to go around malls preaching at people, trying to convert them to your religion. But at the same time I want to ask the same people who tell me not to preach to others, "Why are you preaching at me?" Why are you enforcing your tolerance on me? Why are you stereotyping me based on the televangelist? Why are you judging me for being a Christian when you are very adamant against not judging people?
I believe in tolerance. I believe in being open minded. I love to talk about art, music, literature, and poetry. I just think its ironic when the so called "open" people are really just as judgmental and close minded as the rest. I think it is ironic when subcultures and originality is really just another facade of mainstream hierarchies and commercialism. So if your going to be an open person, which I try to be, if your going to learn about cultural facets, which I try to, just do it all the way, and try not to be a hypocritical asshole.
I have to laugh just because if someone really believed in extreme tolerance they could not even write a blog about it because they would be telling others what to believe. I am a hypocrite just by telling people not to be pretentious assholes. But we are all hypocrites to some degree so what can you do. I talk about not wanting to put chemicals in my body from Macdonald's, but then I go and smoke a cigarette. So ultimately, it is just a personal preference thing- I am tired of snobby, pretentious people who live in clouds of ivory towers and refuse to walk the earth with the rest of struggling humanity.
The Fallen
Today is Memorial day and so I think about the fallen. Not necessarily those who have fallen in war, but those who have fallen in life. I think about the very nature of what it means to fall, to live with the other fallen, in the fallen. One belief of Christianity that is hard to accept is the belief that this world, as well as the people in it, are depraved. It's not so much that I have trouble believing it, but the fact that I know it to be true. What do you do with the idea that everything is screwed up, that nothing is perfect, that at the root, the base of everything, there is evil, there is depravity? How do you live with the idea that no matter how much good you or anyone else does there will always be more that gets left undone. That in this world, evil will always rival good, selfishness will always rival generosity and darkness will always rival light. It is a depressing thought. I don't want to be one of those apathetic, depressed, emo kids who wears black clothes and listens to sad music complaining about how cruel and unfair the world is to them, but, at the same time, I can't shake the ashes from my feet.
If the world is indeed fallen, than I feel it pressing down upon me, like a heavy weight that clouds my thoughts, leaving little room for happy thoughts of prancing unicorns and strawberry cheesecake. I see it in corrupt governments and political scandals. I see it in broken relationships and throat ripping divorces. I see it in the cracked out girl walking down Colfax, on the sadness of a man whose lover left him. I see it in swelled out stomachs of poverty, and the sunken faces of a child with Aids. I see it in myself. In my selfishness, in my emptiness, in my apathy. I see it in my love for myself over my love for others, in my pride over my humility, and in my constant search for fulfillment, rather than my contentedness.
How do you live in this world when you know that you will never be fully fulfilled, never be wholly healed, and never find home? I know how a lot of people live with it. They distract themselves, they ignore it, and settle for what little does bring them happiness. They suffocate the pain, drink themselves into blackout from it, escape it in lifestyles, orgasm and glass pipes. They buy it with houses, cars and clothes. They achieve it with successful careers and corporate ladders. And yet it is still there.
And what do we as Christians do? Because we are the same. This is not our home, and our lover has been gone for some time. But should we be the same? Don't we have some hope, some light that should help? If this is true than why can't I see it? Why does God seem so elusive and healing so far away? Why do Christians have a higher divorce rate and the same struggles with affairs, alcoholism and escapism?
Where is the salt?
Jesus says that we will have many troubles in this world, but to take heart because he has overcome the world. I believe this, even though it seems completely antithetical to the world I live in. Paul says that while we are here, we will always see as in a mirror dimly lit, but that one day we will have clarity. Until then though, I think there is nothing else worth pursuing other than making the world a better place. In giving rather than taking, and in love rather than hate. In overcoming darkness with light, in pursuing peace in chaos, and hope in the void.
Man, this is kinda depressing, but it is a gray day so it kinda fits. Anyways I'm going to go watch something funny, because life is short and so why not laugh.
If the world is indeed fallen, than I feel it pressing down upon me, like a heavy weight that clouds my thoughts, leaving little room for happy thoughts of prancing unicorns and strawberry cheesecake. I see it in corrupt governments and political scandals. I see it in broken relationships and throat ripping divorces. I see it in the cracked out girl walking down Colfax, on the sadness of a man whose lover left him. I see it in swelled out stomachs of poverty, and the sunken faces of a child with Aids. I see it in myself. In my selfishness, in my emptiness, in my apathy. I see it in my love for myself over my love for others, in my pride over my humility, and in my constant search for fulfillment, rather than my contentedness.
How do you live in this world when you know that you will never be fully fulfilled, never be wholly healed, and never find home? I know how a lot of people live with it. They distract themselves, they ignore it, and settle for what little does bring them happiness. They suffocate the pain, drink themselves into blackout from it, escape it in lifestyles, orgasm and glass pipes. They buy it with houses, cars and clothes. They achieve it with successful careers and corporate ladders. And yet it is still there.
And what do we as Christians do? Because we are the same. This is not our home, and our lover has been gone for some time. But should we be the same? Don't we have some hope, some light that should help? If this is true than why can't I see it? Why does God seem so elusive and healing so far away? Why do Christians have a higher divorce rate and the same struggles with affairs, alcoholism and escapism?
Where is the salt?
Jesus says that we will have many troubles in this world, but to take heart because he has overcome the world. I believe this, even though it seems completely antithetical to the world I live in. Paul says that while we are here, we will always see as in a mirror dimly lit, but that one day we will have clarity. Until then though, I think there is nothing else worth pursuing other than making the world a better place. In giving rather than taking, and in love rather than hate. In overcoming darkness with light, in pursuing peace in chaos, and hope in the void.
Man, this is kinda depressing, but it is a gray day so it kinda fits. Anyways I'm going to go watch something funny, because life is short and so why not laugh.
Friday, May 23, 2008
Mad Hatter Morality
My friend Bartholomew came over last night. His name isn't really Batholomew but I don't feel like telling you his real name, so as far as you know, his name is Batholomew. He was my roommate in college at Western State. This last year we parted ways as he went to Africa to study abroad and I moved to Denver to help start a church. He traveled around Europe for awhile after the semester was over and did all the usual boring stuff like couch surf at Sorority girls' houses in Scotland and party in the streets of Madrid, you know real drab, dull stuff I'm glad I wasn't there for. As our house got back from the new Indian Jones movie, he pulled in our driveway. We hung out for awhile and then he began to describe to me and my friend Mike his relationship with a particular girl. The conversation moved from this to talking about God and church.
Batholomew is a Christian, he believes in God, he believes in Jesus. But he has kept his distance. Why, you may ask? Well, another long story short, he fears God. Not the healthy sort of fear that is born from a legitimate danger like holding a metal pole in a lightning storm, but the sort of fear that turns into ignorance, into misunderstandings and dissonant distance. He felt that God was angry with him. That everything he wanted to do God disapproved of and everything he didn't want to do, God held over his head like a pissed off loan shark. Batholomew had no concept of a loving God, the only God he knew was angry and full of wrath. A God who desired morality over relationship and righteousness over faith.
I think a lot of people have this twisted, gnarled view of who God is. The God I hear about from non-Christians is a scary thing. The God I see on T.V. and on picket signs is a scary thing. I had a a Philosophy of Religion class this last semester and this guy named Spinoza said that the two main purposes of Christianity were Justice and Charity, and for most people, this is what the bible is to them, a book of moral teachings, of do's and do not's. If this is all people know about God, no wonder no one wants to believe in him. I wouldn't either. Why would I follow a religion based on guilt, shame and self-degradation? Why would I follow a set of rules that make absolutely no sense. Why would I follow a system of beliefs that had absolutely nothing to say about who I am as a person or what I am here for, but has everything to say about what I should and shouldn't do. If God is this transcendent being of merciless power and judgment; honestly, what's the point of believing in Christianity at all. If my life is only lived from a fear of incomprehensible eternity, from an obligation, than seriously, why am I a Christian? Why would I want to follow a system that deprives me of my very nature and then demands homage when I indulge in it. This was Bartholomew's question.
I sincerely believe, that like the Catholic church in the 16th century, so is the American church today. A church, a religion, a system gone wrong. An institution that cares more about people's money and behaviors than it does about people themselves. A Christianity that is exterior based, and interior ignorant. We have made God detached, unavailable to the common people, a God who worries more about your sex life and drinking habits than about your soul. The Gospel of good news has become the Gospel of bad news. The teachings of Jesus are boiled down to moral life enhancers and products, indulgences, to be sold.
Was Bartholomew to talk to the average pastor or churchgoer he would face a barrage of criticism and judgment for the choices he has made. He would be told to get things right, to repent of his sin, to live morally and then, only then, would he be acceptable to God, only then would he be "worthy" of grace. However, we at the Journey are not average Christians. I'm barely a Christian myself and most of our group will probably be convicted of heresy someday by some self-righteous zealots. So, Mike, the pastor, but more than that my friend, explained to Bartholomew that more than anything else God cared about him, that he was always there and would always love him no matter what he did. That God, in all reality, cared more about Bartholomew as a person, than He did about how moral Bartholomew was living. Bartholomew had never heard this before, and I was very sad.
I believe that God cares more about knowing us and us knowing him, than he does about our behavior. I believe that the bible has more to teach us than just justice and charity. Christianity has put the cart before the horse and said: "First, morality. Next, God." I believe this is wrong, that it keeps people from knowing God and keeps people obeying a system of religion that has nothing to do with the way of Jesus. I believe in relationship, not religion.
I follow Jesus, not Christianity, not America, not some moral system of religion, but the Nazarene carpenter, who preached that God is love and that He un-encompassingly, limitlessly, unconditionally loves us first. And, if we can accept this, than the other things will soon follow. My friend left that night still confused, but free. Free from the idea of a cruel God, free from a meaningless system of morality, and he left in search of what it meant to honestly, truthfully know God.
Batholomew is a Christian, he believes in God, he believes in Jesus. But he has kept his distance. Why, you may ask? Well, another long story short, he fears God. Not the healthy sort of fear that is born from a legitimate danger like holding a metal pole in a lightning storm, but the sort of fear that turns into ignorance, into misunderstandings and dissonant distance. He felt that God was angry with him. That everything he wanted to do God disapproved of and everything he didn't want to do, God held over his head like a pissed off loan shark. Batholomew had no concept of a loving God, the only God he knew was angry and full of wrath. A God who desired morality over relationship and righteousness over faith.
I think a lot of people have this twisted, gnarled view of who God is. The God I hear about from non-Christians is a scary thing. The God I see on T.V. and on picket signs is a scary thing. I had a a Philosophy of Religion class this last semester and this guy named Spinoza said that the two main purposes of Christianity were Justice and Charity, and for most people, this is what the bible is to them, a book of moral teachings, of do's and do not's. If this is all people know about God, no wonder no one wants to believe in him. I wouldn't either. Why would I follow a religion based on guilt, shame and self-degradation? Why would I follow a set of rules that make absolutely no sense. Why would I follow a system of beliefs that had absolutely nothing to say about who I am as a person or what I am here for, but has everything to say about what I should and shouldn't do. If God is this transcendent being of merciless power and judgment; honestly, what's the point of believing in Christianity at all. If my life is only lived from a fear of incomprehensible eternity, from an obligation, than seriously, why am I a Christian? Why would I want to follow a system that deprives me of my very nature and then demands homage when I indulge in it. This was Bartholomew's question.
I sincerely believe, that like the Catholic church in the 16th century, so is the American church today. A church, a religion, a system gone wrong. An institution that cares more about people's money and behaviors than it does about people themselves. A Christianity that is exterior based, and interior ignorant. We have made God detached, unavailable to the common people, a God who worries more about your sex life and drinking habits than about your soul. The Gospel of good news has become the Gospel of bad news. The teachings of Jesus are boiled down to moral life enhancers and products, indulgences, to be sold.
Was Bartholomew to talk to the average pastor or churchgoer he would face a barrage of criticism and judgment for the choices he has made. He would be told to get things right, to repent of his sin, to live morally and then, only then, would he be acceptable to God, only then would he be "worthy" of grace. However, we at the Journey are not average Christians. I'm barely a Christian myself and most of our group will probably be convicted of heresy someday by some self-righteous zealots. So, Mike, the pastor, but more than that my friend, explained to Bartholomew that more than anything else God cared about him, that he was always there and would always love him no matter what he did. That God, in all reality, cared more about Bartholomew as a person, than He did about how moral Bartholomew was living. Bartholomew had never heard this before, and I was very sad.
I believe that God cares more about knowing us and us knowing him, than he does about our behavior. I believe that the bible has more to teach us than just justice and charity. Christianity has put the cart before the horse and said: "First, morality. Next, God." I believe this is wrong, that it keeps people from knowing God and keeps people obeying a system of religion that has nothing to do with the way of Jesus. I believe in relationship, not religion.
I follow Jesus, not Christianity, not America, not some moral system of religion, but the Nazarene carpenter, who preached that God is love and that He un-encompassingly, limitlessly, unconditionally loves us first. And, if we can accept this, than the other things will soon follow. My friend left that night still confused, but free. Free from the idea of a cruel God, free from a meaningless system of morality, and he left in search of what it meant to honestly, truthfully know God.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Hallo Govnuh!
So this is my first blog. For many years I was adamantly against the idea. Blogging to me was the equivalent of reading Cosmo, cheap writing and a bunch of people writing about their lives with completely unoriginal ideas and uninteresting lives. I would read a blog and it would start off with: So I was going to the store today and blah, blah, blah, blah. Or, the blog would be about someones view on life and again blah,blah,blah, blah, blah. I honestly could care less about so and so's opinion on such and such an issue when in all reality they are regurgitating vomitous material, already published in cheap books or magazines, only they think it is important because it goes on to the internet machine.
But, I have given into the cheap internet equivalent of real conversations and ideas mostly because my computer is broken and I have to write somewhere, so why not here. So I have swallowed my pride and given into the greater good of writing like when I swallow my pride when a girl I'm interested in says she really likes the Green Day or American Eagle and I force myself to smile for the greater good.
Well I guess this is where I write about my life and all of my original ideas on it. Lets see, right now I am listening to the new Death Cab album and I just listened to the a song from the new Coldplay album that is coming out. This morning I had breakfast with the governor of Colorado. I mean, it wasn't just me and him personally, in a small room together. It was rather a larger room with about 200 other people. It was the 5th annual Breakfast for Humanity put on by Habitat for Humanity to present information and give people a chance to donate to the cause. The reason for my presence being that I am the director of Community Involvement for my church (The Journey Community Church) and went because we want to get involved and build some houses for some people. We sat at the "Religious Affiliation" table which meant we sat with all the boring people. I saw another guy with tattoos at another table and I wanted to be at that one. My friend Josh went with me and why, out of everyone else in our group, they sent us I'm not sure. I knew this when Mike said we could go but we both had to dress up and Josh was told not to cuss and I was told to cover up my tattoos. We were about a third of everyone else's age and did not have gray hair.
I realized while I was here that I do not like formal events. Mostly because it involves facades and bullshit. People give long speeches with big words when they could really just say something along the lines of "Look People! Why don't you stop being selfish and build a house for someone!"But I guess it is necessary. I guess I just haven't really gotten into the whole, try to look the part and act important and interested. Perhaps this is because this is the church I grew up in. Where people cared more about how you looked on the exterior than who you were as a person. Perhaps it is because I am tired of being fake and would rather be authentic. So when the governor starts giving speeches I'd rather just have breakfast with him. Maybe this wouldn't be a good thing though, because the whole time he was talking I couldn't get the song, "Umbrella" by Rihanna out of my head and so I would be afraid that if I was talking to him and he asked me a question my only reply would be "You can stand under my umbrella, ella, ella, ella."
Today was a hard day. After the breakfast we had to do a moving job, clean a house and then hear, yet again, some more demoralizing news from critics about our church. But, what can you do. Sometimes days are shitty, but thats when you stop caring and realize the day is over, take a shower, relax, enjoy some relationships, and then put your head down and keep going. I feel like you could do a lot with this attitude.
But yeah I guess that's it. I guess I could sum up my whole day with the statement that if you know any single girls out there, send them my way.
But, I have given into the cheap internet equivalent of real conversations and ideas mostly because my computer is broken and I have to write somewhere, so why not here. So I have swallowed my pride and given into the greater good of writing like when I swallow my pride when a girl I'm interested in says she really likes the Green Day or American Eagle and I force myself to smile for the greater good.
Well I guess this is where I write about my life and all of my original ideas on it. Lets see, right now I am listening to the new Death Cab album and I just listened to the a song from the new Coldplay album that is coming out. This morning I had breakfast with the governor of Colorado. I mean, it wasn't just me and him personally, in a small room together. It was rather a larger room with about 200 other people. It was the 5th annual Breakfast for Humanity put on by Habitat for Humanity to present information and give people a chance to donate to the cause. The reason for my presence being that I am the director of Community Involvement for my church (The Journey Community Church) and went because we want to get involved and build some houses for some people. We sat at the "Religious Affiliation" table which meant we sat with all the boring people. I saw another guy with tattoos at another table and I wanted to be at that one. My friend Josh went with me and why, out of everyone else in our group, they sent us I'm not sure. I knew this when Mike said we could go but we both had to dress up and Josh was told not to cuss and I was told to cover up my tattoos. We were about a third of everyone else's age and did not have gray hair.
I realized while I was here that I do not like formal events. Mostly because it involves facades and bullshit. People give long speeches with big words when they could really just say something along the lines of "Look People! Why don't you stop being selfish and build a house for someone!"But I guess it is necessary. I guess I just haven't really gotten into the whole, try to look the part and act important and interested. Perhaps this is because this is the church I grew up in. Where people cared more about how you looked on the exterior than who you were as a person. Perhaps it is because I am tired of being fake and would rather be authentic. So when the governor starts giving speeches I'd rather just have breakfast with him. Maybe this wouldn't be a good thing though, because the whole time he was talking I couldn't get the song, "Umbrella" by Rihanna out of my head and so I would be afraid that if I was talking to him and he asked me a question my only reply would be "You can stand under my umbrella, ella, ella, ella."
Today was a hard day. After the breakfast we had to do a moving job, clean a house and then hear, yet again, some more demoralizing news from critics about our church. But, what can you do. Sometimes days are shitty, but thats when you stop caring and realize the day is over, take a shower, relax, enjoy some relationships, and then put your head down and keep going. I feel like you could do a lot with this attitude.
But yeah I guess that's it. I guess I could sum up my whole day with the statement that if you know any single girls out there, send them my way.
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