The Fallen

Today is Memorial day and so I think about the fallen. Not necessarily those who have fallen in war, but those who have fallen in life. I think about the very nature of what it means to fall, to live with the other fallen, in the fallen. One belief of Christianity that is hard to accept is the belief that this world, as well as the people in it, are depraved. It's not so much that I have trouble believing it, but the fact that I know it to be true. What do you do with the idea that everything is screwed up, that nothing is perfect, that at the root, the base of everything, there is evil, there is depravity? How do you live with the idea that no matter how much good you or anyone else does there will always be more that gets left undone. That in this world, evil will always rival good, selfishness will always rival generosity and darkness will always rival light. It is a depressing thought. I don't want to be one of those apathetic, depressed, emo kids who wears black clothes and listens to sad music complaining about how cruel and unfair the world is to them, but, at the same time, I can't shake the ashes from my feet.

If the world is indeed fallen, than I feel it pressing down upon me, like a heavy weight that clouds my thoughts, leaving little room for happy thoughts of prancing unicorns and strawberry cheesecake. I see it in corrupt governments and political scandals. I see it in broken relationships and throat ripping divorces. I see it in the cracked out girl walking down Colfax, on the sadness of a man whose lover left him. I see it in swelled out stomachs of poverty, and the sunken faces of a child with Aids. I see it in myself. In my selfishness, in my emptiness, in my apathy. I see it in my love for myself over my love for others, in my pride over my humility, and in my constant search for fulfillment, rather than my contentedness.

How do you live in this world when you know that you will never be fully fulfilled, never be wholly healed, and never find home? I know how a lot of people live with it. They distract themselves, they ignore it, and settle for what little does bring them happiness. They suffocate the pain, drink themselves into blackout from it, escape it in lifestyles, orgasm and glass pipes. They buy it with houses, cars and clothes. They achieve it with successful careers and corporate ladders. And yet it is still there.

And what do we as Christians do? Because we are the same. This is not our home, and our lover has been gone for some time. But should we be the same? Don't we have some hope, some light that should help? If this is true than why can't I see it? Why does God seem so elusive and healing so far away? Why do Christians have a higher divorce rate and the same struggles with affairs, alcoholism and escapism?

Where is the salt?

Jesus says that we will have many troubles in this world, but to take heart because he has overcome the world. I believe this, even though it seems completely antithetical to the world I live in. Paul says that while we are here, we will always see as in a mirror dimly lit, but that one day we will have clarity. Until then though, I think there is nothing else worth pursuing other than making the world a better place. In giving rather than taking, and in love rather than hate. In overcoming darkness with light, in pursuing peace in chaos, and hope in the void.

Man, this is kinda depressing, but it is a gray day so it kinda fits. Anyways I'm going to go watch something funny, because life is short and so why not laugh.