I Did My Best Today And Still They Came

I did my best today and still they came. The devils with their devilish grins. They came in unexpected places and even, unexpectedly, in the expected places. First they start with my brain. They wind it up like a clock, no, not like a clock, like one of those toy cars that you had when you were a kid, you know, where you roll the wheels backward and when you let go they race off across the kitchen floor, careening into the legs of the dining room table. They wound up my brain and sent it racing towards everywhere, anywhere, and eventually it wound up in the dark nooks of the my kitchen floor plan and there it sat, with its wheel spinning, burning rubber, ferociously lunging itself headfirst into an immovable wall. Now that I am in this dark nook, furiously turning my wheels and yet going nowhere, the first part of their plan is complete.

Now for phase two. The heart. With all of its emotions and feelings and nervous impulses which so easily betray. All they have to do is fix my romantic idealism on something, anything, and make it plausible, just plausible enough to make me think it could happen, and then burn to ashes the whole previously blissful ship. Today it was a girl. It is just there and enough to keep me going, enough for me to keep my wheels spinning, and yet it is so far away. This right here is known as the ultimate tease. It was already here once, and here it comes again (I was so naïve to think I’d learned my lesson!) It is coming and there is nothing I can do to stop it, from getting my heart invested and then trampled upon, I can already feel it. I await the slaughtering with anxious ambition.

Phase three is self-destruction. This phase is where I cavitate and give in to the demons these devil’s are orchestrating. This phase involves me doing things, existential things, that will give me some type of momentary pleasure. It is a bad idea, and I know it is a bad idea but I do it anyways.