Problems

Problems
I have a few problems with Christianity. Not God or Jesus ( although they confuse me on multiple occasions) but the people who claim to follow them. Christians, as they are called in the common tongue. Christianity is their religion and the Bible their handbook. They can be found on Sunday mornings, in some sort of structure, usually built out of wood. Some of these structures are small houses. Others resemble college campus’ complete with waterfalls and escalators. These structures are located all over the world, and contain people of all different races and ages. And I have a few problems with some of them. Before I go any further though, I should let you know that most of my problems stem out of conservative, evangelical, American Christianity. This is what I grew up in and what I know. I am a very judgmental person myself but even so, I will avoid passing judgment on denominations or sects of Christianity I do not know. So most of the time when you hear me referencing the word Christian, know that it is this particular group. If you are a conservative, evangelical, nationalistic American, than you’ll have to forgive me as well for my judgments, but take solace in the fact that I am probably not talking about you. So let us proceed with my problems, my frustrations, and (unfortunately) my judgments.
It is hard to write criticism on something or someone’s flaws because a) I am a hypocrite( I eat organic, all natural food, championing my abstinence from placing chemicals, or preservatives in my body from fast food…all while smoking a cigarette.) And b) I am ironically, inescapably, contradicting myself by judging Christians who judge others. But oh well. Let’s get on with the judgment!
Judgment
I don’t know if you’ve ever felt this, or seen this, but Christians can be very judgmental. Perhaps it was my dyed hair or my sleeping with the church secretary (just kidding ), but I always felt like I was living under a microscope. Every action of mine felt watched by an unseen crowd of silent judges who gave me disapproving glances like I was being too loud in the library. I would hear grunts of disapproval even while I slept and felt a need to please everyone. I still feel this tremendous burden in my life to never disappoint anyone or do anything that could possibly make them angry at me. Most Christians are very passive-aggressive type people, so instead of confronting me about who I was, they would let me know that I didn’t quite measure up to their standard with their silent words and holy eyes. Now, not to be overly dramatic and emo, because the church I grew up in was better than most, but I never felt good enough. I never felt accepted for who I was. It was only an acceptance of my potential to be a good Christian. There was always more to do. More rules and commandments to live by, more notches to add to my spiritual belt of righteousness. There was a huge emphasis on doing. Do this, don’t do that, no, no, no, that’s bad, stay away from those people, don’t drink this, don’t watch that, you are an evil person and so on. In Christianity there is this silent code of judgment, no one talks about it, but it’s there. Like the creatures in M. Night Shymalan’s The Village, those we don’t speak of.
But everyone judges people whether we want to admit it or not. Every time you meet someone for the first time or see someone walk into your circle of friends, you have a thought that usually goes something like this: “Wow, they are really annoying” or “What horrible fashion taste” or “I’m better looking than them.” It’s inescapable in Christianity and in the world, but the problems with a Christians judgment is that it also has ryder bills like “ I don’t appreciate your lifestyle and also you are probably going to go to hell” or “I am better than you because I am a Christian and I am going to heaven and your not so haha,” as they stick their tongue out like girls in the 4th grade. It’s a self-righteous sort of judgment which is the worst kind. But the judgment I experienced within the church was nothing from what judgment I saw between the church and the world.
It was very battle oriented. People used terms such as drawing sides, battling for souls, conquering, war, enemies, fire, taking ground, winning, losing etc. There were us Christians and then there was the world. Supposedly the world was trying to corrupt our youthful minds through MTV, and R-rated movies. The world was evil and we were good. Everyone in the world was considered lesser than those of us who knew the way. The world was filled with homosexuals, abortionists, whores, rockers, and smokers. We were not to associate with them and our mission was to tell them that they were sinners and the judgment of Christ was coming. It was our mission to tell people that they were going to hell if they did not accept Jesus as their personal lord and savior. It was our job as Christians to picket abortion clinics and go to anti-gay rally’s.
Basically it was our job to judge the world. I found it terribly ironic because we were supposed to be the ones who were forgiven, who could also forgive others and pass on this very inclusive, gift of love to everyone. But instead we took God’s grace and became the bouncers to our heavenly, Roxbury style, club. We put up huge billboards condemning the world for its actions, and held our picket signs high.